Baby...it's cold outside!!

I have spent the day indoors, cuddled up under my Snuggie with the dog. (and a kid or two at one time or other) We are experiencing an Arctic blast in Arkansas...and man is it bitterly cold outside. Today I am so thankful that in spite of our financial struggles, we have a roof over our heads - a warm place to live. There are others less fortunate than we...

I was able to teach MY class for the first time on Wednesday. As I stood before them I had a moment of "Wowness" as it finally registered that I made it! I have accomplished something I set out to do. It was a good feeling accompanied with a feeling of great responsibility as I undertake this new adventure. I love my classroom, and my students. I am looking forward to great things as the year progresses.

I have been out walking - although not today. I walk from my house down to the lake that is near my house. It is a quiet beautiful retreat, one that I cherish even though I have not enjoyed it to its fullest potential. Here's to many more miles of quiet bliss as I continue my quest to lose weight. The dieting part is going ok...today wasn't my most successful, but tomorrow is a new day...one that will find me working and not sitting at home. That always works out better for me - staying busy keeps me from snacking.

I have a niece who is 18, and who has Asberger's syndrome. She wants more than anything to study genetics and be able to isolate the specific genes that cause birth defects. She is struggling however to fit into college life. I was working on my in-laws pc and found a journal she had written some time ago. She wrote about feeling hopeless and lost...like she is the only "not normal" person there is. I am looking for ways to encourage her and to help her. She lost her full ride scholarship to Arkansas Tech because of her inability to complete her work on her own and get it turned in. She is now back at home after having a taste of freedom, and trying to figure out her next step. Her mom and dad are looking at a place in Hot Springs that teaches students how to perform daily routine tasks that people with disabilities face. I am hoping and praying that somewhere, somehow she will find who she is and embrace it and achieve those goals she has for herself. She is incredibly smart and talented, and I know she has great potential. My challenge is communicating this to her without coming across as the "aunt who loves me enough to say anything". Lots to think on...

Less about Me...More about other people.

Ok...here it is. Two days in a row of time for myself to empty my mind of all my random thoughts. I am proud of myself for scheduling this time, and desire to continue as often as I can.

A good friend read my post yesterday and her comment made me ponder some things that I hadn't considered before. I have been way too focused on what is happening with ME, what am I missing in other people that I need to be seeing? I mean, yes, I have accomplished some pretty great things, but at what expense? One of my goals for the next few weeks is to focus on other people for a while...determine where they are in this thing we call life, and see what I can do to help them along. Goodness knows enough people have done this for me. I think it is time to pay it forward so to speak.

The first place to start is within my own home. I have a great husband who worships me, however he does struggle with depression all year around. I desire to help him through this and not be a contributing factor. (I know...I was just expressing frustration with him yesterday.) I think he needs some quality time, and not just moments snatched in between the "Mommy, Mommy..." and other daily craziness. I am making a goal to spend time with just him after the kids go to bed every day.

With this new year comes new responsibility and opportunity. I have really been feeling like I am out of excuses for not exercising and taking care of me physically. I need to lose an incredible amount of weight to make myself more healthy. I am inspired to make some life changes because of my responsibility to my family. I spent some time with my mom over the holidays, and as I observed her struggle to accomplish the daily things she has to do I was hit with an epiphany...I am headed toward being my mom! She has all the bad health things and I don't want to be at that point when I am her age. So...my major undertaking for this year is to start on this journey. I am cutting back on my coke intake and portions to begin, and adding in some walking every day. I also want to include my hubby in this process, because I think it will help him with his issues too. I would love for us to be able to leave Chris in charge of the kids and head out for a half hour walk just the two of us. He probably won't go for it, but I can always try!

Ok...so....lose weight and stop thinking of myself so much! Sounds like some lofty goals for the next little bit...I will keep you posted on my progress. By the way...the snow is beautiful! Everything is so quiet and peaceful outside, and I love the smell of snow. I am not sure about school tomorrow...figures that my first official day may be a snow day. I love the thrill of listening to the kids in their beds whispering...five bucks says we stay home tomorrow. Snow days are special in our house. We play games and make cookies and try to make memories. Perhaps tomorrow will be one of the best snow days ever! :)

A New Year...on to New Things

Happy New Year! I decided that I was going to allow myself a little time for blogging now that I am out of school. I had planned to begin yesterday...you know...New Year's Day.... and then wound up watching Bowl games with my mother in law yesterday. So...here I am.

The holidays have been enjoyable, relaxing, and full of much emotion. First I finished a two year journey by completing my degree and then getting a teaching job beginning on Monday, Jan. 4th. Then there was all the holiday hooplah, and getting my room ready for students.

In the midst of all this excitement, I think my husband has lost his mind! He is really struggling with the holiday depression/post graduation depression/I really don't know what else. I am trying to be sweet and loving while he makes all of us miserable, but it is so hard! I don't want to keep heaping criticism on him, because it doesn't do any good. I had tried to get us away for a weekend with no children, that helps sometimes, but the budget just wouldn't cooperate. I don't know what else to do, so I guess I will just keep smiling and picking up the pieces every day until he gets a grip on whatever it is. I hurt for my kids when he hurts their feelings, and I hurt when he says something mean or negative. Lord, give me strength and the right words to say (and the right time to say them!)

Enough of the negative...I am so excited about starting my new job day after tomorrow. In some ways it seemed this day would never come. I am so grateful for all the people who traveled this road with me, who pushed me when I needed pushing, and who hugged me when I felt all was falling apart. I am so blessed with people who love me.

I hope that I can continue this blogging business more regularly than I have been. It is cleansing to put emotions and frustrations somewhere besides keeping them rattling around in your head. Enough for tonight...I need to go try to spend some alone time with the hubby to try to bring him out of his funk. Do I really want to? NO! But will I because I should? Probably.

Until next time....

Cross One More Thing Off My List!!!!

Ok, so the best laid plans of blogging more often have yet to come true, but I am working on it. I love to put all the craziness in my head into words, and as soon as I am finished with this last week of schoolwork I will have more time to empty this bulging brain of mine! For now I will be content with my little blurbs that I am privileged to, and work toward more soon.

Let's see, where to begin to fill in the gaps between my last post and now...I have discovered I absolutely love teaching fourth grade. They are still young enough to want to please, yet old enough to appreciate a little humor. They are so interested in what the world has to offer and just overall so much fun! I have thoroughly enjoyed my internship placement there. I am looking forward to what the future has to offer in that regard!

I was also privileged enough to sit by and listen as my third grade daughter was asked to be someone's girlfriend for the first time. We were at a football game, and the young gentleman told his mom and me that he was going to ask her. He did and she said very sweetly that she would have to think about it and get back to him. (Insert laughing and trying not to show it here.) Wow...third grade?? Fortunately in third grade it isn't like they get to see each other all the time, and their perception of being boyfriend/girlfriend is so innocent. I am not so sure I am ready for my baby girl to be thinking about boys at all. Yikes...when did she get to that point? Can't we go back a little?

I have only two days of full time teaching left and two days of observations. Then I can complete my portfolio, hand it in, and say I'M DONE!!!! I graduate on December 19, and am going to do my best not to cry all the way through the ceremony. I am so happy to be able to say that I have completed something for a change, and that because of it I will be able to do something I have wanted to do for a long time.

I guess I need to go and get some sleep so that I can be all I need to be for my class tomorrow. One final thought....I am looking forward to an amazing literacy night tomorrow night at school with my kids. I am expecting great things!!

Overwhelmed

I am so overwhelmed with trying to keep up with all the paperwork for my internship. I don't feel like I can be the teacher I was made to be when I can't get my head above all the lesson plans! Add a little personal drama into the mix, and it is about more than I can take.

My father in law, who I love dearly, and am closer to than I was my own father, had to spend a night in the hospital on Friday night after having two stents put in his heart.

I ask...what else?? Can I have just a few days of calm?

Randomness...

Ok, so have you ever noticed that the things you enjoy the most seem to go by really fast and then they are over? On the flipside, the things you don't really like seem to drag on for eternity?? I am experiencing this right now in my internship. I like the kindergarten kids, but am not cut out to be a kindergarten teacher. I know that. It seems as though once I walk into the classroom, the clock stops moving. I am sure we are there for at least twelve hours a day! :) I am holding to the fact that I will be in fourth grade soon, back to an area I feel comfortable and competent in.

Ona another random note, today is Constitution day. As I thought about this day, I also though about all the chaos permiating our country right now as I type this. People are upset with what the Presidents says and does, he is under a microscope that seems to magnify his every fault. Not only is he being looked at like some tiny minute part of the swine flu, people are saying really ugly things to and about him without the decorum and respect to voice their opinions appropriately. Have any of them ever heard of a blog vs public ridicule? Now, I am not going to say I agree with everything that President Obama does, nor do we hold the same political views on a LOT of things. However, we as a nation voted him in as our President. We have to uphold him and support him rather than tearing him down. We have our checks and balances in place in our government system, leave the poor man and his family alone for a while so that he can actually try to accomplish what he needs to in office.

And on that note...I must be sure the kids are dressed for school. :)

One week and four days....

Today was one of those days that makes me glad I will NOT be staying in kindergarten. I could not keep their attention, or get them to follow instructions all day long. I felt as though I could stand on my head and they still wouldn't notice. I have also decided I am horrible at teaching kindergarten reading/phonics! The lesson today was brutal! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I finished my lesson plans for this week last night - all 68 pages worth! Seems JBU requires me to do a separate lesson plan for each thing I do in the classroom. I am gonna kill a couple of trees before I am finished I think!

Aren't you proud, two days in a row with a post!!